How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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