Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
