Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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