I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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