Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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