I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
