you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i've created a new STD.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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