If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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