his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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