so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
