Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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