OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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