I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
