ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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