I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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