Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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