Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
