if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
