i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
