I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
