I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
