The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
