so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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