Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Alive.
So much puke
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
