i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
