i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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