I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
