We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
