A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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