how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
