after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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