so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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