problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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