Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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