hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
