it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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