That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
