Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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