Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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