i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize