You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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