So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no, he came in my armpit
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
