Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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