I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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