she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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