I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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