Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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