Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
