Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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