I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
