On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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