i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she smelled like a LAN party
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
