Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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