You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
