I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
