Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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