His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize