My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
