is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
