He disabled his match.com account in front of me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
