we have pet lesbian snakes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
