omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
