my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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